WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
