he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
