Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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