In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
