I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
