You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
