atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
