WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
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As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
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Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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