thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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