Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
