This girl is more easily done than said...
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
