JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
