I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
