You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
