i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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