Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
