Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
