my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
