if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
