bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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