Having a random hookup so left but love u
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
