How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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