GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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