Just fell off a train. Bad.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
smell my finger.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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