Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
