He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
