so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
These tits shall not be calmed
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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