I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
