The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
