cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
