watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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