I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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