Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
