Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
