she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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