Is it because I queefed?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Randomize
