Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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