I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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