Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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