We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
