THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
