I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize