So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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