There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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