pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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