you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
