i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You are a genius and a whore.
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