the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
