Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
it was like eating out sand paper
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
