I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
