It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
