Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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