why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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