shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
