I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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