just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
