Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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