I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
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You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
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Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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