I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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