he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
