someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
