what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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