so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
