I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
