'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
