you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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