I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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