he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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