i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
