you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
