What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
