he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
