Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
