so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
