never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
