Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
