It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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