Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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