I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
