No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
