loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
